Marvelous Mundane

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There’s not much as sad as a look of terror on a two-month-old’s face. This sweet baby of mine, he seems to have a double dose of the Moro reflex. I can’t count how many times his arms have flailed back, his eyes full of fear.
But you know what?
Not one single time has he ever been in danger. He’s never spent one second outside of secure, one moment inside of abandonment.
His reflex is real, but it doesn’t match the reality; the reality of constant love & care.
And I can’t help but think, this is me, too.
Have I ever been out of the grip of my Heavenly Father? Falling to danger far from his reach?
My emotions are real, but my first reaction often doesn’t match the reality. The reality that no one & nothing can separate me from the love of God, the reach of God, the sight of God, the power of God.
So tomorrow, when broken sleep adds an extra layer to my emotions, I need to hold this truth close.
The life & death & living of Jesus don’t just give hope for eternity, they give security for now, “and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand”. [John 10:29]

I grew up in a two dessert a day family. There’s a massive, stubborn sweet tooth floating through our family DNA. So it wasn’t so surprising when Christmas 1997 left a big box under the Christmas tree- my very first, shiny white, Sunbeam stand mixer.
I’ve since graduated to a slightly dirty, white Kitchen Aid mixer, but I haven’t graduated from my read-the-recipe-ahead habit: I want confidence in the result before I start at the beginning. Who wants to realize a missing ingredient halfway through?
This shows up in life, too, this wanting to know the end before I start the beginning.
And sure, there’s wisdom in planning ahead, a price to pay for procrastination & just plain laziness.
But there is this life of faith I miss by requiring earthly guarantees. And this recipe seeking is what drives my tendency to search for a recipe for life, a recipe for marriage, a recipe for motherhood, more desperately than I lift my eyes to the life-giver.
Because life isn’t a recipe.
And motherhood isn’t a project promising a piping hot, perfect outcome in a half hour.
I’ve noticed this is where most of my disappointment in motherhood comes from, too. Those moments where I panic over missed directions, or missing ingredients. Where I am frustrated when the outcome isn’t what I expected, what I thought was the end result of following these steps.
Motherhood is an opportunity- just like every other part & season of life- to keep my eyes on the life-giver & life-sustainer. To hear his instructions as words that make himself clear to us. Words that draw us to better know him- and then to reflect his goodness & character to others.
To my children.

“You were sin last night.” My four year old’s blue eyes gaze seriously at mine.
Why yes, child. Yes I was.
There’s nothing like a conversation about sin to create an awareness that Mom sins too. This infant stage that gifts chubby cheeks and cozy snuggles also gives broken sleep & perpetual tiredness. Infinitely worth the trade, but OH BOY do some days play with my emotions & patience. Last night’s frustrations sure proved that.
I have spent enough nights worrying over the impact of my faults, wishing I could redo a hastily handled moment. But today, grace reminds me: there’s this bit of redemption wrapped up in my mistakes. An opportunity to model for these also-sinners how to humbly acknowledge sin. How to seek forgiveness & restoration. How to see need for a risen & present & powerful Savior. How to trade my weakness for his strength. .
They will sin too.
They do sin too.
And while I do not want my day littered with these kinds of examples, I can let go of regret and grab onto thankfulness. Thankful the gospel pulls us away from chasing performance to viewing the beauty of Christ’s perfection.

Monday morning freshness: all the week’s possibilities waiting like a blank canvas for a skilled artist. Some weeks I dive right in, filling the emptiness with brush strokes of detailed planning & hopeful expectation. Confident. Sure of each line. Enchanted by what can be. Ready to step out into known & planned.
Other weeks I hesitate, held back by clouded purpose, or maybe discouraged by plain old sameness. Feeling I’ve sketched this same picture before, not once or twice but again and again. The ordinary & expected stifling excitement & anticipation.
Entirely different perspectives- but both places just as capable of missing God’s presence in each moment. We can get so caught up in dreams & plans & excitement that we miss the still small voice, so burdened with the weight of ordinary that we miss his glaring & glorious purpose.
Whether a day filled with all our favorites, or a week of weariness & wondering, every moment offers an invitation to remember the greatest work was already completed in Christ, the greatest joy is offered in his life. We aren’t here to perform for our glory: we are here to participate in his story.
I don’t want to let the busyness of my planning or the moments of overwhelm to keep my eyes from seeing God’s footsteps leading in front of me.

Peacemaking is a part-time job for me, though some extra special days require full-time hours.
Between the great childhood truth of “I want whatever toy he is touching, NOW”, the badly aimed nerf-darts, and the mixing of immaturities & childish impulses, you can often find me negotiating an uncertain peace to hold off world war 3.

Limiting injuries is usually my goal, intervening before they whip out their weapons of choice: fists & teeth. Stepping in before annoyed yells turn into pained howls.
Peace is quiet. Peace is harmony. Peace means I can sit down for a minute without wondering, “what is going on down there?!!” And good as those things are, Sermon on the Mount peace-making is more than a synonym for quiet & comfort. It’s a gospel-centered peacemaking knowing ultimate peace is sin’s defeat and an eternal relationship with God through Jesus’ work.
But how does this kind of peace step into this world of toddler tantrums, flying nerf darts, and potty names?

I’m in the beginning of wrestling with this over here in boy-land, but I know it starts with me. I know my heart has to daily treasure “Christ in us, the hope of glory” more than quiet & comfort & conflict-free zones. My peace-making can’t just be about creating a certain home environment or sibling relationship. It has to point to our eternal peace in Jesus.
- “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.”

Early mornings on the couch enjoying darkness & quiet before this house fills with all the sounds of energy & enthusiasm & the clash of little personalities.
Early mornings fueling my soul before the constant need descends, before distraction & busyness & love & life consume every thought.
Early mornings reflecting on hopes and dreams and plans and worries and coming back to the great truth:
He is enough this morning.

He is our promised future in the middle of uncertainty, a constant presence in a day full of ups & downs. It has never been, “can I make this happen?” because he is enough.
He is the redeemer- of yesterday’s regrets, today’s attempts, tomorrow’s plans. It has never been “can I do this good enough?” because he is enough.
He is present; his reality spills over every mundane moment, every overwhelming circumstance, every exciting opportunity. It has never been, “what’s the point?” because he has always been the purpose.
Hoping that throughout our day today we see the great hope in every ordinary moment.

“Do you think God can use you?” “No, I’m too young”. His answer quickly spills out. Then, just as quickly, he grins and edits his answer: “yes!” We’ve just finished reading David & Goliath in the Jesus Storybook Bible. A story intended for my four year old, but what eight year old boy can resist nasty giants & spinning slingshots & “how-could-a-small-rock-actually-kill-a-giant” conversations? “God doesn’t look for big strong people,” I tell my boys. “He chooses people with faith in HIM.” The longer I’ve parented, the more I’ve realized these words I hand them are actually for me, too. Usually it takes a bit of later-self-reflection to realize this, but today it’s black & white, front & center as soon as the words leave my mouth.
Does my life show I believe God works his incredible power through believing hearts? Or do my days show a belief that self-effort & self-betterment are the keys to success? That a meaningful life is waiting in a better organized, better educated, better planned life?
I’m not arguing against faith and wisdom leading us down a path of intentional life choices. But I do think I need to pay more attention to my own heart, to my real hope. I need to watch those subtle signs I know are connected to a me-centered (or others-centered) hope: stress, impatience, frustration, worry, lack of prayer.
And instead of shifting to self-condemnation, lift my eyes to marvelous hope: “God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong...therefore, at it is written: let the one that boasts boast in the Lord.”

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“I just need one more peek before bed to make my heart happy.” I paused in the hallway, opening the closet door to admire yesterday’s effort. Where disorganized books and paper had spilled over each other, now there were nicely folded towels and neat rows of toilet paper. Some pay admission to an art museum to let their soul soak in beauty, but a well organized closet does the trick for me.
Rest.
Comfort.
Beauty.
All those things- and more- tucked away in a hall closet.
Standing there, door knob in hand, a verse tiptoed across the hallway of my mind. “Behold the beauty of the Lord”. If I find this joy and refreshment in this little bit of order, how much more joy and refreshment is waiting in the seeing the God who ordered animal families, designed plant species, lined up my vertebrae?
Stillness is not my speciality. Oh, definitely the stillness in front of a BBC series or holding a new book. But not the stillness of dwelling. Of reflecting. Of quieting my mind to focus on one thing: to stand in front of the character of God. Beholding his goodness. Wondering on his greatness. Celebrating his grace.
There won’t always be well-organized closets and cabinets ready to give me a pick-me-up, one last self-congratulatory pat on the back before I crawl into bed. But the beauty of the Lord- it's always there. Always here. No matter what circumstances swirl around, I can linger for a moment over His beauty. My soul can find rest and satisfaction in his accomplishments. My organization loving self can delight in his sovereignty.
We were made to enjoy the glimpses and replications of his character wherever it is- even a closet. But I need to remember that this little joy is meant to point back to a greater glory, a greater wonder, a greater satisfaction. And thankfully, it’s a satisfaction that will still be there even in the messy closet seasons of life. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

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New Years rolls in as fresh as my almost-three year old on a power trip. I’m a dreamer imagining all that can be; a procrastinator embracing a restart; a list-lover seduced by grand ideas black-inked across a new journal. Even though I’ve traded bold resolution writing for slow growing habits, the first of January is, as always, distractingly beautiful. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ -

But reality quickly returns. There’s nothing like seven months pregnant to tone down expectations, the impending sleeplessness narrowing focus on one great hope: make it to the end of the year with kindness and grace intact. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ -

I’ve spent many New Years hoping in my strength, but this year I’m more aware than ever of my human frailty, my desperate need for grace. I’m much more comfortable penning lists that rely on my own strength, ingenuity, time management and self discipline; more familiar believing the answer is waiting in better planning and follow through. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ -

But here in this place of knowing I am not enough is a certain freedom. A sliver of excitement. The unknowns aren’t quite as scary next to the one great known that rules them all: “My grace is sufficient for you, and my strength is made perfect in weakness.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ -

So this year’s resolution? More rest in Christ’s finished work, less restlessness in my unfinished work.

“No! Those are MY marbles!”
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// “Do you think more marbles are going to make you happier?” I ask the deeply offended, marble stock-piling child
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// Because I know how often I believe it, too. More stuff, more money, more time, more this, more that. I start to believe that happiness is connected to things. When really, true contentment and satisfaction is connected to a person, the perfect living, finished work, shared life of Jesus. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
// I need this reminder every day just as much as any little boys arguing over marbles. //⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Read the rest of this over on the blog. Find the link 👆🏻